I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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