I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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