He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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