Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
