rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
