Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
