We're like a lot better than the average bears
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
