playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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