a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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