she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
