im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize