At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
