Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
