His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
