god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
