Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
