Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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