I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize