i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tornado booty call.. dedication
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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