Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
