just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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