Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
