She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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