If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize