Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
