Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
