It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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