her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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