The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
