And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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