I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
