If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
