I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
