i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
