when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
