My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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