His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
