Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
