Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize