i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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