Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
