I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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