Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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