i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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