we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I enjoy the company of your penis
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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