Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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