the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
