Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
