therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
