I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
