a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
