i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
