this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
