I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize