you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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