Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
