and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
