I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
