I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
