I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
