I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she peed on how many people?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
