Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
