Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
