i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize