We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
