nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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