Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
