What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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