Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
