yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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