4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
