I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
