I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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