Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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