i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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