Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
