well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
