I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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