I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
