I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
