we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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