But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
