i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
