I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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