O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize