Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
