she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
