Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
