i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize