come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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