Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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