Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize