i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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