if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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