I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
