I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have tasted many bathrooms
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize