Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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