I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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