Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
