12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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