i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
