i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
