dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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