Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize